Joke Time: Random Thoughts

RANDOM THOUGHTS ONE-LINERS
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Many of you have commented about my corny sense of humor, and the jokes I tell.
I will let you in on a secret, told to me by the legendary Red Skelton back in the 1980s.
If you want to get a big laugh, you have to build it.
That means one joke should follow another, then another and another.
Not only are the jokes funny, but the pacing, the one-on-top-of-the-other really gets your audience going.
One joke is funny.
Two jokes are really funny.
Three jokes are hilarious!

In my shows, I group related one-liners together to get the most effective reaction.
They are also easier to remember that way.
This is an example of a group of jokes you can tell.
Just tell them one after another after another, and you will be amazed at how much your audience will react.

Here is how I would launch into these jokes:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

I run like the winded.

I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

The other day...
When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

Well, it's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.