Joke Time: Occupation One-Liners

Posted by Peter Monticup on 6/5/2020 to Puzzlers and Jokes


OCCUPATION ONE-LINERS
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Many of you have commented about my corny sense of humor, and the jokes I tell.
I will let you in on a secret, told to me by the legendary Red Skelton back in the 1980s.
If you want to get a big laugh, you have to build it.
That means one joke should follow another, then another and another.
Not only are the jokes funny, but the pacing, the one-on-top-of-the-other really gets your audience going.
One joke is funny.
Two jokes are really funny.
Three jokes are hilarious!

In my shows, I group related one-liners together to get the most effective reaction.
They are also easier to remember that way.
This is an example of a group of jokes you can tell.
Just tell them one after another after another, and you will be amazed at how much your audience will react.

Here is how I would launch into these jokes:

I wasn't always a magician.
I actually wanted be a super hero. Aluminum Man...my super power was foiling crime.

In fact, I have had a lot of jobs, but none of them worked out.
I worked at an orange juice factory but I got fired because I couldn't concentrate.

I worked at a calendar factory but got fired just because I missed a day.

I was a lifeguard at a car wash.

I got a job at a watch factory but it was only part time.

I used to work as a butcher until one day I backed into a meat grinder and got a little behind in my work.

When I decided to become an archaeologist, my future was in ruins.

I worked on a farm taking care of the chickens, but I got tired of being a chicken tender.

In high school, I was going to join the debate team but somebody talked me out of it.

I should have become an orchestra conductor. I have more friends than I can shake a stick at.

When I tell people that I was not a good electrician either, they are shocked.

But I did have a job interview today for a carpenter job.
I think I nailed it!

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Date 6/9/2020
Rocco Guerrera
I like them but if I told them with my friends and the crowd I hang out with I would booed off the stage, but as I said Peter I like them!
Date 6/9/2020
Nathaniel G. Higgs
Great jokes Peter, how about this-- As a farmer's son, I learned to turn a cow into a pasture. I used to work in knife factory, but I couldn't stand the grind. Then inspiration struck! I developed my new rapid fire comedy style, and I was fired more rapidly then than ever before.
Date 6/10/2020
RH Mauger
I had a part time job at a candle factory, I only worked wickends.
Date 6/11/2020
David C Troutman
I once had a job working on light dimmer switches but I ended up being to bright for the position!

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